10 Years Time: A Predicition

31/12/2019:

Football

Mourinho's Manchester City sit unbeaten on the top of the Premiership, John Terry's Chelsea are 8 points adrift in second. Notts County, managed by the Head-in-a-jar of Sven Goran Eriksson, are pushing Birmingham City for the final Champions League place. Manchester United, still under 78 year old Lord Alex Ferguson, sit sixth. Carragher's Liverpool (still at Anfield and still promising a new stadium in Stanley Park) are top of Championship 1, looking to bounce back to the Premiership first time having amassed a record low points total for the Premiership the year before, Gerrard and Torres having both retired (Gerrard through age, Torres through perennial groin and hamstring injuries) in the summer of 2018, coupled with the financial meltdown, which was on the cards for 12 years. Previous manager Rafael Benitez is still in a secure unit having been committed due to his imaginary press conferences and calling his own opinions 'facts'. Mascherano, 35, however, is due to return from his 18 month ban for assaulting a referee and vomiting through fury on the pitch imminently.

Below the Championship (split into two leagues of 20) is now fully semi-professional, 4 regional leagues of 20 teams run alongside each other. This occurred in 2014, when someone finally realised that having close to 100 full-time football clubs is simply not sustainable (Accrington Stanley, Macclesfield Town, Torquay United, Barnet, Darlington, Portsmouth - R.I.P.).

England sit 39th in the World Rankings, having finished runners up in the World Cup as recently as 2010. The tolls of an ageing squad and the only really good youngster coming through post-World Cup being Jack Wilshere proved to be the death of international football in England (no-one cares now).

Real Madrid are European Champions for the 17th time, and for the eighth time in succession. How will the retirement of stalwart Cristiano Ronaldo this coming summer at the ripe old age of 35 affect them though? Can £245m man Miralem Pjanić finally step up to the plate at the age of 29? Time will tell.

The sporting world mourns the deaths of Diego Maradona (gastric explosion), Didier Drogba (fell from great height - off pedestal) and sprinter Usain Bolt (ran too fast, severe burns).

Politics

Cameron drags Britain into a third term of Conservative Britain, inevitable after the Conservative Party took over the ailing and further right leaning Labour Party, leaving the plucky Greens and the perennial Bridesmaids Liberal Democrats as the only real opposition. The BNP could never recover after the assassination of Nick Griffin by Arsenal's Micah Richards, whom Griffin had suggested hand back his record tally of 131 England caps, and swap them for 'caps from some black-ass country, like Sweden or something'. Richards recieves a knighthood for his services to race relations in Britain. Meanwhile, Sweden won the Basketball world championships, and a clean sweep of sprinting medals in the 2016 Olympics. Britain still mourns the sad death of the NHS in 2014, the Tories opting for a fully private healthcare system. This, ironically, killed Tony Benn, who exploded with fury.

Meanwhile, China rule the world, and North Korea simply sank, leaving South Korea, which is now called 'Korea'.

Music

The Ghost of Michael Jackson put on a stunning 10th anniversary of death show on the main stage at Glastonbury, while other headliners the Ghosts of the Beatles and the Ghost of Beethoven also contributed brilliant sets at a spooktastic rememberance Glastonbury, organised of course by the Ghost of Michael Eavis (death by cow trampling).

Enjoy the next ten years folks, it'll be a rough ride.