Game Review: 'Snake'

(Gonna be using this “review” to implement a new style of my reviews. Scoring, mainly.)

Snakes aren’t something you come into contact with every day here in England which, in a way, I’m sad about. It’d mix up the norm of dogs, squirrels and homeless people. So, to combat this lack of this, Nokia has programmed Snake into their phones! Chase after stationary dots in a white knuckle ride of obesity and a somewhat dystopian outlook of the future!
Ophidiophobic’s beware! (Yes, I did have to look it up...)

Now, the whole idea of Snake is to control a snake (hence the name) and collect food from the bordered field, whilst avoiding your own tail. Simple. BUT WAIT! Each time you eat – you get bigger! UH OH! You touch your tail, you die. You touch a wall, you die. You keep eating, getting bigger and bigger, fill the 212 squares, inevitably touch something, and die. Tricky times ahead, my friends.

Now, when writing this ‘review’, I began to think of Snake in a different light. Earlier, I mentioned a “white knuckle ride of obesity and a somewhat dystopian outlook of the future” (Wall, 2009 pp.1) and I’m planning on expanding on this little ditty. The white knuckle part was added for drama, but the obesity part – what sort of game actively encourages eating? That is all you do! Slither...and eat...slither...and eat...and then slam into a wall. Madness! And the dystopian future part? Well...one part I’m watching Blade Runner, one part IT IS! If one was to project themselves on to the avatar of the snake, as is the norm with games, the whole idea is to eat and eat until you can’t move any more. Even by exercising to get to food, you still get bigger. Madness.
Now, some would say I’ve over-analysed this, and to you, I say...fuck off, it’s my article, I can say what I want.

Graphics = as good as you’re going to get with two colours. Black squares in a line represent your snake. Pretty much sorted with that.
Sound is covered by the monotone beeps of an early Nokia, which, admittedly, have their charm.
Controls, 2, 4, 6 and 8. Responsive enough.
9 levels of difficulty will have you coming back at least 9 more times of fun, fun, fun.

Overall rating – 0 legs out of 10.

n.b. Phil played Snake on the Nokia 3210...a few years ago.